Yes I'm Angry... Do You have a Problem with That?

Being a book on wisdom it is not surprising that Proverbs has quite a bit to say about anger.  Nor is it surprising that a book written to be read by ordinary people has a lot to say about anger.  We know anger all to well.  If we look around and listen to others and to ourselves it becomes obvious that anger is everywhere.  Read the papers and listen to the news - anger is a rampant. Listen to people talk in the lunch room, watch how people treat one another you will find that anger is often the driving force.  We live in a selfish world consequently we live in an angry world.  Because we live in an angry world we live in a violent world.  See what Proverbs says about anger, read these verses slowly really think about what they are saying to us. 

• Proverbs 14:17  A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.
• Proverbs 14:29  Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.
• Proverbs 15:1  A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
• Proverbs 15:18  A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

• Proverbs 29:22  A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.
• Proverbs 30:33  For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife.

• Proverbs 16:32  Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
• Proverbs 19:11  Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

• Proverbs 22:24  Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,

It is true there is a righteous anger, but that anger is a selfless anger.  It is anger due to man’s blaspheming God and his utter disrespect and contempt for the things of God.   Jesus was angry but never because of the way people treated him.  When Jesus cleansed the temple he was angry because they had turned His Father’s house of prayer into a den of thieves.  Matthew 21:12-13

Remember people do not make us angry.  People simply draw out the anger that is in us.  

If any of us are wondering if we have an anger problem we need to ask ourselves this question.  Are we surrounded by strife?   If our relationships are battle grounds, if we are constantly wounding people with our harsh words and outbursts, we  have a problem.  We don’t need medication or lengthy counseling sessions.  

We need to avoid being with angry people, choose your friends wisely. 

We need to practice good sense.  

We need to learn to act not just react to people.    Romans 12:17-18

We need to learn self-control.

We need to die to self daily. 

But ultimately and most importantly to do these things  We need to walk in the Spirit and we will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.  Galatians 5:16     Galatians 6:19-20

"Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. It’s a child’s reaction to an adult situation."

Author Unknown

"Do not say, “I cannot help having a bad temper." Friend, you must help it. Pray to God to help you overcome it at once, for either you must kill it, or it will kill you..."  C.H. Spurgeon

"Are Your Vents Closed?"

One of the “labels” I have managed to avoid getting stuck with in my life is “Mr Excitement”. As a matter of fact I was once told if I ever slipped into a comma it would take three days before any one realized it. I remember when I used to have my study in the house my kids would watch me at my desk and one day I heard one ask the other “is he dead?” I guess I need to blink more often. I’m sure I have labels sticking to me that people have been gracious enough not to tell me about, but “the life of the party” isn’t one of them. Obviously these are not virtues just personality traits. There are some wonderful people who really are the “the life of the party” and if I ever have a party I’m going to make sure they are invited.

I’m not one who wears my heart on my sleeve. I do get excited about things and I do get upset about things but it’s not real close to the surface. Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it isn’t. I’ve been told I need to just let go, let it out, don’t keep everything bottled up in side. I think they call it venting.

I remember sitting at a stop light once and the light turned green and the guy in front of me just sat there. I’m a patient person so I sat there for a few seconds and then I did it, I vented, I laid on the horn and yes it felt good. Unfortunately what I didn’t see, until it was to late, was the lady with her baby stroller crossing in front of the car in front of me. That good feeling didn’t last very long. It might have lasted longer if I have been alone in the car, but I wasn’t. When the lady had crossed, the guy in the car in front gave me the obligatory hand salute and took off not amused with this “hot-head” behind him. I quietly went back into my comma where it’s safe and waited for the next green light.

No matter what your personality is the book of Proverbs has some good advice about venting.
Proverbs 29:11 “A fool vents all his feelings, (honk,honk) but a wise man holds them back.”
Venting our feelings is linked to foolishness. Why?

Let me give us a few things to think about that might help us see the virtue in not venting all our feelings.

Venting implies everything you feel should be expressed or acted on.
Venting implies that you are more important than those people you hurt by your venting.
Venting implies you have all the facts, but you may not. So hold back.
Venting implies your feelings are always right.
Venting implies that feelings are the most important thing in our life.

Proverbs 21:23 Proverbs 22:24 Proverbs 20:3 Proverbs 18:13 Proverbs 19:11 Proverbs 10:19 Proverbs 12:16 Proverbs 14:29

If you have built up anger or resentment in your heart venting will not get rid of it. Venting just infects everyone one else with it. If you are angry take it to the Lord. He needs to work on your heart. Many a Psalm begins with what appears to be David venting to his God. “How Long? O Lord, How Long” Psalm 13:1 But it ends in victory. Psalm 13:5-6

So before you lay on the horn, or overreact because someone made you wait, or you have heard about a situation that stirs up strong feelings. Be wise and hold back. I can’t think of a time when I regretted not honking my horn at the guy in front of me. I have far more regrets about things said rather than left unsaid. How about you? Many an unwise outburst has been averted because wisdom said hold back, wait there may be more to this we don’t yet know. Yes, our feelings scream "we know, we know let’s let em have it". But wisdom says no.

May we choose the way of wisdom today in our family, marriage, friendships and with our children and not vent all our feelings but hold them back. May we be guided and guarded by the principles of God’s Word and be empowered by the Spirit of God instead of our personality traits or feelings. Our feelings can lie to us, but God's Word never will.

Are your vents closed? Honk, Honk!

"Stop it, or Else..."

How many times have we said or overheard someone say, it started out so small, but now….! They are usually referring to a disagreement or an altercation with someone that has escalated from a simple disagreement to an all out war. Pride, anger, resentment, unforgiveness, are all things that escalate a minor incident into a major problem.
We all saw the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans as the waters flowed over the levees  protecting the city. New Orleans is built below sea level so these levees are needed to keep the waters of the Gulf of Mexico from reaching places they would normally go if not held back. These levees are made of dirt. But all it takes is a little hole to open and then just a trickle of water flowing through that hole and you have the potential for disaster. There is tremendous pressure exerted by the water as it seeks to push against the dirt trying to get to its rightful place. One little prick and it begins to flow, as it flows it begins to eat away more dirt, making the hole bigger. As the whole gets bigger the water flow is increased, and it begins to build up momentum and before long what could have been stopped very easily has become a raging torrent that is unstoppable and devastating.
Proverbs 17:14 tells us “the beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.”
The beginning of strife - that first disagreement or unkind word or deed etc. How many huge quarrels today started with a silly disagreement years ago - or a little thing that got blown way out of proportion and was never dealt with. Strife, like a dam bursting, almost always starts over a small thing. Families, churches, marriages, friendships divided by quarreling over issues that if you were to ask the parties involved could not even be remembered. Or if they could remember would be embarrassed at how insignificant a thing it really was at the time. How sad to see churches divide by great chasms between people because of quarrels that go back years and years. Strife has momentum. One thing leads to another, one person fires and the other fires back and before long you have a full blown war.
Solution - “quit before the quarrel breaks out.” Stop strife in it’s tracks. How? 15: 1 says “a soft answer turns away wrath,..” 17:9 says “whoever covers an offense seeks love…” When you are hurt, before you speak, pray. If something needs to be said, say it quietly, softly. When we choose to fight, get even, or shoot back we begin a process that begins to eat away at everything around us. And it will build momentum and become very difficult to stop the spreading devastation. In the beginning we have an opportunity to stop a quarrel from breaking out. The natural tendency of our sinful flesh is to strike back, get even, hold the grudge. We feel the pressure to do this. But we do not need to be controlled by our flesh. We need to ask God to help us respond to people and not just react to people. It only takes one person to stop strife. One person empowered by the Spirit of God, willing to love, willing to yield, willing to turn the other cheek, and what might have escalated into something huge has been stopped with the sandbags of forgiveness, love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, patience, and self-control.
Proverbs 17:14 “the beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.”

"Short Fuse"

When I was a young teenager my brother and I somehow “acquired” a large supply of firecrackers. It so happened that the farm we lived on also had a large supply of apple trees. So we began to think ...firecrackers …..apples….. firecrackers ….. apples ... hmmmm what could we do. (Devious minds were at work). We soon discovered that if you put a firecracker in an apple it makes a great little apple grenade. So we began to assemble an arsenal of loaded apples. Rotten apples worked especially well. How we enjoyed lobbing these “apple bombs” at the unsuspecting friends we had invited up for target practice. The looks on their faces when those apples exploded - “priceless”. As I said, devious minds were at work, but devious minds are not always the brightest minds on the planet. On one occasion I had lit the fuse on one of my apple bombs. I held it so it would burn a bit then then tossed it but nothing happened. I went and got it and discovered that it had burned down to the top of the firecracker and went out. It was still good it just needed to be relit. (caution genius at work) So I picked it up, got real close so I could see the fuse , lit the match, touched the fuse and “BOOM” right In my face. I suddenly began to have some empathy for my former friends. Fortunately God preserves the simple and I wasn’t hurt. But I got a new appreciation for the term “short fuse”. I realized that when someone is described as having a short fuse it’s not a good thing. It can get real messy.

Proverbs talks about the dangers of short fuses. Hot tempered short fused people have destroyed countless relationships, families, marriages, children and friends. We have all been on both ends of the short fuse. We have watched friends or a family member blow up in our face and we have blown up in their faces as well.

Proverbs 16:32 “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty,and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Slow to anger = long fuse. How do we do that? “He who rules his spirit …” Self control. The problem is that for short fused people everyone else rules their spirit. They become like the people they are around. He yelled at me, I yell back. People yank our chain and off we go. They control us. We need to learn to respond to people instead of just react to them. We need to be controlled by a power greater than ourselves. We need to be filled with the Spirit of God

Eph. 5:18. "....Be constantly be being filled with the Spirit"

Then we can do what Proverbs 15:1 tells us “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

A soft answer is a controlled answer. The air may be hot and the temperature is rising are you going to be controlled by the temperature (thermometer) or are you going to control the temperature (thermostat). A soft answer comes from someone with a long fuse, a Spirit controlled, long-suffering person. A harsh word stirs up anger and we all know that is true. When someone yells at me and I yell back things don’t calm down, they blow up. Who is ruling your spirit today? Who is in control of you? You will know as soon as your fuse is lit. How long did it take to blow up? Short fuse =self - Long fuse= the Spirit.

Here are some great verses to encourage you in this battle.

Gal 5:16- 23 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, a you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.